The Love of a Brother

If any of you have siblings, then you know what it is like to have someone in your life that you can constantly annoy, compete with, and fight with. You would also know what it is like to have unconditional love for them, and someone who will have your back when life turns against you...well in most families that is, unless your family puts the "fun" in dysfunctional. At any rate, with four kids in our house, things are always very hectic, there is usually never a quiet moment, and the arguments are plenty--with the exception of Jayson and Anthony for the most part.

My fourteen year old son Jayson, and my seven year old son Anthony get along perfectly (quite the contrary to my sister and I who are the exact age difference). They are so close that I was just telling someone the other day that I do not ever recall a time where Anthony and Jayson have ever fought. You will never know how monumental that fact was to me. Anthony is going through a tough time..he has a temper, and he is having a hard time controlling that temper. While the most affectionate, loving child you could ever want, he is also not the type of child that you can confront head on with anything, and he does not transition well with changes. Because of this, every day is carefully planned to include letting him know in advance what his day will consist of, down to the simplest things like letting him know in the morning that he can have an hour afterschool to go out and play, and then he will come inside and do his homework. Emphasizing that he cannot be angry when I tell him it's time to come in. I have to let him know in the morning that he will go to bed at eight o'clock, and when I tuck him in, I have to remind him that he will have to get up early for school and that he cannot get angry about that fact. It's tiring, and frustrating, and I would not wish this on any parent.

There is nothing more heartbreaking than having your child melt down and tell you that they hate you. Having to watch them lose control, and punch your husband because they are so angry over something like him saying that he cannot stay up as late as his older brother, and it's time to get ready for bed...or that it's time to practice math facts when they were not expecting to do so because they literally cannot mentally handle something out of the blue, or a non-structured bedtime schedule. Let me add that these are not normal tantrums, and I do not spoil my children. Their actions have consequences. This is a legitimate issue in which normal consequences do not apply.  Because of this I have the planning of Anthony's day down to a science, or at least I'm working very hard to do so. My afternoons are gone, I spend them with him, sitting beside him during homework time because he wants me there. I've now realized that I have to prepare dinner before he gets home because otherwise we will eat at seven!

I made a mistake yesterday morning. I woke up late, and was then running late. I asked Jayson to go upstairs, wake Anthony and have him get dressed for school while I prepared breakfast. I should not have done that. Anthony did not want to get up, and Jayson wanting to make sure that Anthony got up and dressed for school, decided to dress Anthony for school while he was trying to sleep.

This resulted in the first argument that I have ever seen between Anthony and Jayson, and the first thing that came to my mind was, "Why on Earth did I open my mouth and say that I had never witnessed a fight between them?" I called Jayson downstairs before things escalated and explained that I realized that he was trying to help me, and that he was not in trouble,  but next time to just come get me. I then went right into calming Anthony down mode. I had him come downstairs and sit in his area by the front door to calm himself down. Then I reiterated to Jay that he was not in trouble. We also talked about how not to deal with Anthony when he's mad, and Jay felt bad. He tried to apologize to Anthony, and Anthony would not accept Jay's apology.

While I was talking with Anthony, trying to put the mental pieces back together in time for him to go to school, Jay took it upon himself to assemble the lunches for the day. I was very thankful for his help yesterday morning, and so happy to see how mature and responsible he has become. His help kept me from falling apart. Before I took Anthony to school, Jayson apologized to him again for trying to get him dressed while he was still in bed. Anthony finally accepted the apology, but did not offer any apology in return.

As we were driving home from school yesterday afternoon, Anthony told me that when he opened his lunch, Jayson had written a note on his napkin. He said, " I love you little brother." That melted my heart, and I think it also made Anthony realize that he had no reason to flare up at Jay the way he did, because he apologized to Jay as soon as he walked in from basketball practice. Once again they were best friends, and all was well. Jayson taught me a valuable lesson in forgiveness yesterday...and a valuable lesson in how to be a brother--or sister. He showed me that your brothers or sisters are who they are, but they are always your siblings, and you need to get past what they do wrong, and let them know that you still love them.

I love my children for many reasons. I'll admit that I often wonder why I was given such challenging children to raise. I now realize that even as adults we still have many lessons to learn. Some of us are a little harder to teach. My children are giving me a wealth of knowlege that I need to put toward better use...