Farts are Funny, Farts are Cute...Farts are Sh#t Without the Mess...

Anyone who has children knows that at one time or another, your children will receive gifts that you wish they didn't. You know what I'm talking about, those loud obnoxious toys with lights and sounds, that when the children aren't looking we stealthly slide the switch to off. The ones where once the batteries die, we make up a fib that we don't have enough batteries, can't find the batteries, or we will go buy more batteries...with full intention of not replacing them. While the toy I'm speaking of was extremely obnoxious, I can't say that I have ever switched it off, or lied about replacing batteries. It has disappeared a time or two (not by my hand), and thankfully been recovered. I've even saved it from the hallowed depths of my washing machine by checking my son's pockets before throwing his pants in. It was temporarily lost in our past move, which was devastating for my son Anthony, but thankfully recovered. It was The Fartmaster.

For Anthony's 6th birthday, more than anything else, he wanted a "fart machine." I had no idea where to begin the search for such an item. In fact, I believe that I was pretty sure that I really didn't want to embark on that search. One of my friends who lives in North Carolina, happened to be at a little trinket store, and found by accident The Fartmaster. Being the thoughtful lady that she is, and I totally adore you chica..you know who you are! She sent Anthony The Fartmaster. She didn't tell me that she had found it, she didn't tell me what she was sending...I remember her saying "It's a surprise! You have to let me know when you get it."

I knew right away what I was in for when I checked the mail the day it arrived. As I am bent over pulling the mail out of my mailbox (we have those silly mail kiosks, and our box was toward the bottom of the kiosk), I grabbed the padded envelope, and it farted! Thank goodness nobody else was nearby, they may have thought it was me! When Anthony tore into the package, he resembled Ralphy from "A Christmas Story" unwrapping his Red Rider Air Rifle. He was so excited. After all of the gifts that he had received for his birthday, this little fart machine on a key ring, was the greatest gift he could have received. The joy on his face was unforgettable, and he immediately went to work making his siblings and myself "fart." The smiles, and giggles were intoxicating since David was deployed, and unable to be here for his birthday. I was in bliss seeing them all so happy.

The Fartmaster even inspired a "fart war" in my house when my parents came for the holidays that year. My Dad went to Spencers and purchased his own fart machine that had a wireless remote, allowing him to hide the speaker in different places and use the remote to set off farts when unsuspecting children were around. My house was full of happiness and flatulence for the holidays in 2009...thank goodness it was only of the electronic nature!

Over the months The Fartmaster continued to bring much joy to my children, especially Anthony. Although, I have to say that I wasn't thrilled when he brought it to the grocery store on a couple of occasions. Overall, I have to admitt that of all of the toys my kids have received over the years that make sounds, this has been the most tolerable. Nobody knows for sure how the little fart machine met it's demise. Did the battery finally fail from over use? One thing I know for sure is that the last time I saw it work was two days ago when Anthony hid it on Dave's leather club chair. Unbeknownst to him, he sat on it, and due to the placement on the leather, it let out a louder sound...it was hysterical! Could the weight of my hubby have killed it? We'll never know. Dare I say that I might actually miss it? I may. Will I replace it? I'm not sure yet...