I am close to losing my mind...

I fully had the intention of writing a post about our Christmas. Unfortunately, that will have to wait as I am having a bit of a moment. We are on day number I have lost count since we have been in this empty house. Dave has almost finished painting the walls back to "Equity White," which I now have across the backside of the only pair of jeans that fit me well at the moment because we have been eating like crap and my belly is bloated like Santa's. My dog/puppy is a misbehaving asshole who just ate Hunter's dinner, and I'm either going to turn into an obese person from emotional eating or an alcoholic by the time I get home some time next week. I now must go sort through the stuff we have so we can decide what will make the trip and what will have to go away...and get the laundry together so I can go to the laundromat again tomorrow. 

A Few Small Kinks & Scaling Back

The people come this Friday to begin packing our household goods for the move! They start Friday, break for the weekend, and then come back and pack Monday and Tuesday...the truck gets loaded on Wednesday. Certain things need to be done prior to the move, and with Dave being in GA since the 2nd, and not scheduled to return until the end of the week, the responsibility to prep for this move rests on my and Jay's shoulders. Unfortunately this last week brought with it sub-freezing temperatures! So, none of the outdoor items have been cleaned up as planned. We're supposed to have snow tonight through tomorrow afternoon, but then it's schedule to warm up, so we will have to get it all done between Wednesday and Thursday. For now I need to focus on taking down pictures, and making sure all of our laundry is done, and the clothes that the six of us will need will be set aside.

Alyssa and I have both come down with a horrid cold. Alyssa lost her voice and just generally feels lousy, and I have the congestion and feeling of being hit by a Mac truck. My fingers are crossed that no one else falls victim to this bug, but I'm not very confident in this as Hunter was sneezing yesterday, and had an upset tummy today. So far, Jay and Tony are good, so I am definitely thankful for that!

Freezer clean out is going well (as I now apologize profusely to all of my friends and family on Facebook that have to live this out with me yet again!). I have taken on the challenge of creating meals out of what we have, and it is actually so much fun!! Last night I made a spicy red curry stew with venison, veggies, and bone broth that I pulled from the freezer. It was very tasty, and comforting. I think the bone broth combined with the Thai red chili paste was very helpful for this cold. This is what it looked like.

Spicy Red Curry Stew

I also pulled out a whole chicken and pork roast to thaw, unfortunately, it's been so cold here, and this old house with single pane windows, radiators, and bad insulation is so cold that after a full day on the counter, both were still frozen solid. I seriously could take someone out with one blow ;) That put a serious kink in the plan for tonight's dinner. Fear not, I have some seafood and veggies in the freezer that I can thaw quickly, and a jar of Green Thai chili paste, and a can of coconut milk! I may be taking the curries too far. Good thing my children have adventurous palates! I don't know how my freezer got so out of hand. But what are deep freezers for, but to store excess food for future consumption? I guess at the moment I'm feeling a little like a hoarder. Do I even NEED a deep freezer??? I know that fresh is best, but somethings like the cherries that we got this past summer only last a little while. Freezing them allows me to enjoy them now. However, I now find myself downing frozen cherries every night trying to eat them before I have to throw them out or give them away. 

This pending move has given me a little time to reflect, and re-assess the items that I thought we needed. Possibly instead of buying a bunch of stuff is not as smart as simply planning ahead and buying and eating only what we need. I think that we kind of unconsciously started doing that overall as of late. Especially with our kiddos.

I saw an article today on Facebook about a letter to Santa which was thought to be from the year 1915. The article remarked about how humble the child was, and how he only asked for a few, low key items...a book, nuts, and candy. I think this letter demonstrates how we all as a society have gotten out of hand with the needs vs. wants. Earlier in the fall, my husband and I made the decision to get rid of our teens' smart phones. Alyssa was crushed, demonstrating her dismay in a very dramatic display. Jay was okay with it. It came to light that Alyssa's reaction was driven by what her friends have and what they would think of her for not having an iPhone. My response to her was, why does your phone dictate who you are and who likes you? If people only like you for the fact that you carry an iPhone, then they probably aren't the kind of people that you should be friends with anyway. She pondered on it, and was then okay with it. By doing this, not only did we instill in our teens that WHO they are is not connected to the type of phone they carry, but we also ended up saving $40 a month on our cell phone bill. In a way, I think it was a freeing experience of various degrees for all four of us. 

We also had a talk with all four kiddos about Christmas a few weeks back. In the past Christmas has always been way over the top, and very costly. With the move coming, and us buying a house, David and I decided that we were going to trim down Christmas this year. We sat them down, and laid out the reasons, and let them know that Christmas would probably only be one or two items each from us this year. Remarkably, all four took it very well! This made me so proud that they were not upset. Fact is, that even with one or two gifts, they will still receive gifts from their grandparents and other family members, so it isn't like they will only have two gifts each. However, I think the idea of less is more is certainly being instilled in our children, they are okay with it, and I am so happy that we made the decision to scale back. Having said that, I will step down from my soap box, and tie up this post! 

The Big Move

I REALLY need to be much better about keeping up with this blog. Random posts here and there are just not going to cut it. I will be better. Exciting news to report, we are moving. And so after more than 5 years in Washington, the Polizzotti Fam is on the cusp of a new journey! So much has transpired this past year, and with the Holiday season and New Year in sight, what better time to catch up! So, before I get going, let me cover briefly what I missed...First, we found out that David was picked to command a battalion. This is an amazing accomplishment! Due to certain changes, we didn't find out where he was going to command until much later in the year. Next, we got a puppy this past April. Meet Stryker, our now 9 month old German Shepherd. Tank and Sophie are getting up in years, and having health problems, and we figured now would be the time to add a puppy into the mix so that when the time comes for them to cross the Rainbow Bridge, we will have a cold, wet, nose to comfort us. He's definitely made life interesting :)

We finally found out that David was going to command a battalion in Texas, and so the next chapter of our lives quickly opened! In fact, as I write, the hubby is at school, and comes home on the first day of packing. At this moment I'm a little afraid as I don't know quite how we will get this all accomplished between work, school, and getting ready to move across the country. Not to mention, we will be without a refrigerator for two days between it being loaded up and the housing office here replacing it with one of theirs. That will definitely put a cramp in the plan for healthy eating. 

In addition, our pack out is right smack in the middle of finals week for me. Also, due to the fact that our stuff gets picked up on the 18th, and we don't turn the house in until the 2nd of January, we will be living on air mattresses for a bit. David is quite excited by this idea...he keeps talking about a rustic Christmas with nothing but a tree in the house. I am not as excited by this idea, but I will give it a go. This should make for some very interesting blog entries ;) 

That said, there's lots of big things on the horizon in the coming weeks, hopefully this next year will begin on a very positive note, with us all in Texas in one piece! 

Spring Break, Going Back to My Roots, and Other Things

Note: I began this post a couple of weeks ago. Sorry for the delay...

Last week was Spring Break for my kids. Jay went to spring camp for JROTC, and Dave couldn't take off work, so Alyssa, Anthony, Hunter, and I packed up the car and went to visit my parents in Idaho for the week. It was such a nice break from every day life. I can't lie. My brain needed it so badly...even if I was up until 2am studying every night. I awoke every morning refreshed, and feeling great. There are never any worries or stress when I'm at my parents' house. It's like my little slice of childhood in my crazy adult world.

There are tons of neat, kitschy shops in the area surrounding where I'm parents live, and when I visit, my mom and I will go shopping. This time around, I scored a Pottery Barn table runner for $18! I love it when I can find awesome deals on quality design items. The kids also had a nice break, as the weather was perfect, and they took advantage of being outdoors for the first time in months, since it rains so much here in Washington. Hunter had his first Girl Scout cookie ever (seriously, ever). It came from Grandma, so I cannot complain. I do take a small amount of pride in the fact that the kids haven't had certain things though. Alas, I really wish that we had longer than a week to visit. I look forward to going back again this summer.

We are still awaiting our fate...whether we are going to stay here in Washington, or move elsewhere this year. While I'd certainly love a change in scenery, a big part of me would be glad to stay here, near my parents. Hopefully, the powers that be will release their decision soon.

The End of Lent and the Dawn of Change

So...it's been a while. I've been off doing lots of things, (some that I thought were important, but realized later they weren't) and making excuses of why I am too busy to write a post. Yet, I would always find myself posting meaningless tidbits of my day to day life on Facebook. For Lent this year, I decided to challenge myself and give up that which I thought was so important that it would take up countless hours of my life, and was so important that the first thing I'd do when I would awake in the morning was check on my phone to see who was doing what, and where, and who. I began by deleting the app off of my phone. I knew if I had easy access, my plan would go down in flames on the first day. The first week was hard. I'd find myself having a lull in my day, and I'd scroll through my apps only to find Facebook was no longer there. By week two, it was much easier. I'm glad to say that I made it through. 

In retrospect, I have found that there are a lot of unimportant things that keep us connected to Facebook. I don't need to post about my trip to the gym, or where I am, etc. I also don't need to hear about all of the negativity and drama that comes along with Facebook. I have to say that my life has been quite enjoyable without having to worry about whether or not I offended someone with a post I've made, or if someone has offended me. I did realize that I miss the old friends and family members that I live far away from of which Facebook is the easiest, and probably only way that we can keep in touch in this digital day and age. So, I am back on the Facebook with a more tempered outlook and use for it. 

Now, on to Easter. The time of renewal which coincides with spring, another time of renewal. What can I say? I have recently gotten off track with myself. I started out last year embarking on a journey to wellness and health, as well as looking for ME. For a short period of time, I had found myself again, and had achieved my goal of physical health and wellness, only to morph into another unhealthy mental state. I was opening myself in one way, and closing off in another. I allowed my personal ideals and beliefs to be compromised by a someone who I thought truly cared. 

In the end, I've come to realize in a very abrupt manner that it wasn't worth the time I was putting in. After an awakening of the magnitude in which I have experienced, there is no way to go back. I have been struggling for weeks. I suffered mental anguish, sleepless nights, and I was stressing out over why things had happened the way they did. Then, in this last week, and more so days, I awoke, like from a bad dream, and I am now at peace. I must credit David with that. He made me realize that I own the problem by constantly questioning why, or what happened. His brutal honesty allowed me to ascertain that the reason why I was so mentally broken wasn't because I had no closure, or didn't know why. It was because I had thrown aside so much of who I was to keep and maintain this friendship that I once again had lost ME. 

I am once again back on the path to find me again, and this time, there is no room for anything that lacks true importance. Life is too short to live in a state of stress, sadness, and double standards. I will not look back, but only ahead. The next chapter of this year will be filled with positive thoughts, many changes, and challenges. I look forward to it all with my eyes closed (that sounds so funny doesn't it?), arms outstretched, and a serene smile on my face as if I were basking in the warmth of the sun, taking its energy and warmth all in, right before I jump  into whatever may cross my path with a renewed sense of faith. Happy Easter, and here's to moving on in this season of new beginnings!

The Trials of Parenting a Daughter

"A blow with a word strikes deeper than a blow with a sword" ~Robert Burton

Alyssa is now 13 1/2, and WOW, am I completely not ready for the trials and tribulations involved in parenting her. Jayson was so easy. We had about a year where I wanted to strangle him for various things, but we got past it. However, life with Alyssa for the last couple of years has been a meat grinder, and I'm finally beginning to see small glimpses of her getting better, but when she's bad...Oh my goodness, it's BAD! 


Yesterday afternoon ended up being a pivotal point in our relationship that I'm still trying to wrap my head around. In fact the only way that I can even fathom what transpired is by subjecting you all to it by typing it out. Long story short, I picked her up from school so we could dash to piano. Instead of coming right to the car, she stopped and chit-chatted with a friend. I tried texting her to  remind her that I was waiting, and she didn't text me back because HER PHONE WAS AT HOME...on the charger! Needless to say, I was slightly irritated. I fully admit that my irritation definitely showed in my tone when I asked her why she had to have this conversation right at that moment when she knew that we had somewhere to be. Of course, Alyssa is in that "I'm touchy, and everyone is mad at me when they question me about things," so right away, I knew this was going to go somewhere where I didn't want to go...And it did.


Before I knew it, we were in a full fledged heated discussion. I hesitate to say argument because arguments usually involve both parties raising their voices to make their point. She was now yelling at me (no surprise there), and the conversation had migrated over to her "friends." This is relevant because the girl that she was talking to; well, they haven't spoken the entire year, yet they were very close the year before. Alyssa has moved on with new friends, and the girl hasn't. I personally felt that was very crappy, and chose to voice my opinion about that. I also voiced my opinion about not being very crazy about the friends that she hangs with now. (Think of the movie "Mean Girls"). At any rate, I find most of her friends morally questionable, and from watching their interactions while at my home, I have to question whether one girl in particular is truly vested in her friendship with Alyssa or just using Alyssa to get to her older brother. At any rate, I'm now digressing. 


Alyssa was trying to tell me how wonderful they were, and how she can be friends with whoever she wants, and I couldn't help but smirk because of the idea that she truly has no idea how much I CAN influence who she hangs out with..homeschool anyone? And my smirk sent her over the edge into a fit of rage I have not seen very often from my daughter. And she then muttered the words, "You know what? You don't know my friends just because you've seen them at our house a few times! I like my friends and I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE A ROLE MODEL FOR ME ANYWAY!" I was and still am taken aback by this comment. She could have said anything else to me; I hate you, you're an asshole, go to Hell, and it would not have had hurt...no killed me the way that comment did. And, where on earth did that comment come from?


I've stepped back, and took a look at myself and what kind of person I am...obviously I'm still doing that. I don't know where I have failed. I'm a mom, which I get it, not everyone wants kids, and that's great. I don't expect my daughter to have kids. I've gone back to school to obtain my Psychology degree (which I now find funny given my relationship dynamic with my daughter), I volunteer, I've overhauled my lifestyle into a much healthier one so that I can be here for Alyssa and my boys...but most of all I am always here for them if they need me. Where am I going wrong? All this time, I believed that I was a great role model for my daughter...and now I just feel confused. What is she looking for in a role model? Is she looking toward her friends to be role models? 


This morning over breakfast, we talked about what happened yesterday, and I apologized for coming off like I was mad when I really was just irritated. I even apologized for being judgmental of her friends. Alyssa apologized for yelling at me and slamming my car door...but she never apologized for her comment that has now penetrated my self conscious and has me questioning why I am not good enough? I realize that in the heat of anger, some people will lash out with the most hurtful of words. Some will throw out some whoppers designed to inflict maximum damage, but wow, looking back at our argument in retrospect is positively mind numbing and heartbreaking for me. So, I concluded our conversation with, "I'm not sure what kind of role model that you are searching for, but I truly hope that you find what you are looking for, and able to achieve that." I didn't know what to say; I didn't want to sound passive aggressive. I still want to know what she is looking for. I don't want her to walk in my shoes, but I hope very much for her to be a strong woman. I just hope that she is able to find someone like that to emulate.

Yeah, I'm "That" Mom...

The last day of school before the holidays was the sixteenth of December. Normally during breaks from school, I will have the kids do some sort of work to keep their minds going..at the very least I will make them read for thirty minutes a day. However, I will fully admit that by Friday, the sixteenth, I was completely done and over the school thing. Chalk it up to my lack of sleep, missing Dave, the boys being difficult in the mornings, or struggling with Anthony to get him to do his homework; when we returned home that day, the backpacks were hung up in the cubby, and I honestly did not give them a second thought until yesterday morning when it was time to pull them off the hooks, as he kids finally went back to school.(YAY!!!)


It was seven-thirty in the morning, and surprisingly, things were running so smoothly; almost like a well oiled machine. For the first time this school year (since the first week of school), I was not begging one of the boys to hurry up, I wasn't desperately looking for one of Hunter's shoes that he failed to put in his cubby the day before, and I wasn't dropping them off at seven-fifty-eight when the tardy bell rings at eight o'clock. I have to say that dropping them off late is awful. I liken it to the "walk of shame" that you hear of some girls doing in college. You have to get out of your car and physically walk your child to the office, and then give an explanation as to why they are late. God forbid that you, yourself are running late and leave the house sans make-up, hair pulled back in a pony tail, wearing sweats, t-shirt, Ugg boots..all covered up in an oversized cardigan as if to hide the fact that you look like death warmed over. What makes it worse is when the principal sends home a nasty gram telling you that your child has "X" number of tardies, and proceeds to scold you as to the importance of your child being on time.(Yes, I can attest to this as I have received this letter.)


Nonetheless, yesterday this was not the case. The boys were ready to go without complaint, with shoes in place by seven thirty-five. You will never know how happy this made me. However, that emotion was quickly dissolved when Anthony opened his back pack only to find ten pages of math that were assigned for each day of vacation...10 PAGES! I was mortified. I never looked in their bags the entire winter break. I never made them do anything remotely close to school work aside from reading.


Alas, I completely own up to this. I dropped the ball. Do I believe that Anthony may have known about the homework?..Yes. However, he is eight, and I don't expect him to exercise that sort of responsibility yet. He is a child, and therefore still thinks like a child. There is a reason that children cannot babysit until they are twelve or thirteen..they lack responsibility. It would be different if he was eleven or twelve and knew better. Having said that, ultimately, I am his parent and regardless of his age, it is my responsibility to make sure that things like this don't happen, and I fully admit that--I slipped up.


At any rate, I sent him to school without the homework. I'm guessing that I was not the only parent who did not push the homework as Anthony never said a word regarding the fact that he was "the only one who didn't turn in homework." Anthony is always very good at letting me know when I've messed up. So much so, I'm thinking that of my four kids, he would be the best suited to be a priest because he's definitely good at dishing out guilt. With that in mind, I'm not too worried about my recent short coming in the Mom department. However, in the future I will most certainly make a point to check backpacks when the kids have a break from school.