Mr. Hankey...

Mr. Hankey Exists...

I know this because I found him in my main floor bathroom.

The kids and I settled down to watch “Dolphin Tale” this evening after our wonderful Christmas Day and dinner. The boys begrudgingly joined in after I made them put their new toys on their chargers. Ten minutes into the movie (that is based on a true story), the plot revealed that the older cousin was in the Army going off to war, and he gave his younger cousin a special gift while telling him that, “Family is forever, and don’t worry, I’ll be home soon” I began to second guess my decision to make them watch the movie. I’m thinking GREAT, he’s going to get shwacked, and this is the last thing the boys need to see right now with Dave being in Afghanistan. What was I thinking??? How could I have made such a faux pas? So, in an attempt to do pre-damage control, I told the boys that they could go back to their games, and of course they had been sucked into the movie by that point, and didn’t want to stop watching, with the exception of a trip to the bathroom by Hunter. 

Fortunately, we made it through the movie without any casualties. *I apologize for the spoiler for any who have yet to see the film. “Dolphin Tale” was a tear jerker for sure, but I still highly recommend this flick for an evening of family viewing. 

Once the movie had concluded, the kids returned to their normal lives; the boys went back to their video games, and the girls went into their room to check email, listen to iPod, etc. It was very heartwarming for me to see Jayson helping Hunter get through a particularly difficult section of his video game. I was content. 

It was when Alina went into the bathroom to take her shower and promptly came out and grabbed Alyssa saying, “You need to come see this,” and then Alyssa in turn came and got me and said, “Mom, you need to come see this,” that my evening took a bad turn, and we discovered that we indeed had had a visit from Mr. Hankey. 

Anyone who has watched the Christmas episode of “South Park” is familiar with Mr. Hankey. He even has his own song, “I’m Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo, Seasons Greetings to all of you...” and a trade marked phrase, "Howdy-Ho!" Well, I found him in the girl’s bathroom. For when I walked into the bathroom, upon first sight, everything looked fine, until I turned my attention to the waste basket. There at the top, was a pile of poo, and on the floor beneath was a small puddle of water. Who had done this? WHO DOES THIS kind of thing??  My 6 year old son, Hunter that’s who.

First thing I asked during his impromptu interrogation was indeed, “WHY DID YOU DO THIS??” Hunter, “Because I was afraid to flush the toilet because I thought that (now tears are falling) the toilet would clog.” (insert rubbing eyes as a futile attempt to stop crying.) As I see his hands balled up, rubbing his crying eyes, the thought of HOW the poo ended up in the waste basket dawned on me, because I noticed dark brown crap (literally crap) embedded under his nails. “OH.My.Gosh, Hunter, did you pick that out of the toilet with your hands?” Hunter, “Yes (still crying).” “Did you wash your hands?” “NOOOO (sobbing).” As I quickly went to remove his poo laden hands from his face, I realize that his pajama sleeves were damp with poo water.

I lost my mind as it was racing with images of Hunter rubbing his eyes with poo laced fingers; on to him playing his 3DS and then handing it off to Jay who then also played the 3DS, so now Jay’s hands have been defiled by Hunter’s poo residue. It is at this point that I snapped, and was now screaming, “GO WASH YOUR HANDS!” Now, let me preface Hunter washing his hands by telling you that Alyssa happened to break the drain in the sink earlier in the day by yanking up on the plunger too hard. Just hours prior, I had sacrificed a beautiful Calphalon steak knife by prying the drain cover out of the drain. I had placed the drain cover on the side of the sink so it would be readily available when the repairman came. 

So, Hunter was now washing his hands, and I left the bathroom to go get paper towels and Lysol to clean the disgusting Christmas gift that my adorable son had left for me. I came back to a sink filling with water as Hunter had replaced the drain stopper back into the drain, and the water was getting higher and higher. Now, having to sacrifice Calphalon steak knife number two to pry the stopper out, I made Hunter sit in the hall while I cleaned the bathroom.

So, 25 minutes later, the bathroom was finally cleaned up, the trash removed to the outside garbage can, the wastebasket liner replaced, and floor cleaned; sigh, I have now calmed down enough to take Hunter upstairs for a bath. 

I am happy to report that we made it not only through the movie, but also the rest of the evening with the only casualty being my sanity. Hunter ended the evening being grounded from his 3DS for the rest of the night (which he was going to bed anyway), as well as for the entire next day, and I ended the evening by wiping down his 3DS with Lysol wipes, and drinking a glass of wine. All in all, I can say that this Christmas will be unforgettable for me, and I’m sure for all of my kids as well. I can now say that with some degree of certainty that Mr. Hankey does exist, although I would prefer is he stayed in the toilet as he definitely did not spread any Christmas Cheer. Merry Christmas, and here’s hoping for a Happy New Year!