Reasons Why Being Married To The Army Is Fun, 2nd Edition

Here it is, the 2nd edition of why being married to the Army is fun...Better late than never I always say. I realize that just a couple of days ago, I posted about how hard this deployment has been on my sleep schedule. Of course, once again, sleep is still eluding me as it is four o'clock in the morning and I am still up. Deployment aside, Dave's job allows for great social opportunities with wonderful people that we may not have otherwise met. The group of ladies in the photo above are a small group of the spouses married to some of the leaders in our squadron. We got together earlier this month for what is called a "coffee." Basically, it was a few hours to hang out, have some food and drinks (which this month was spiced cider made wicked good with the addition of Captain Morgan by Kristine!)


During this particular get together, the theme was an Ugly Sweater party, along with a "Dirty Santa" White Elephant gift exchange. The idea behind the Dirty Santa was to lift our spirits through either re-gifting a previously received-unwanted gift, or a gag gift, or just something inexpensive. Most of these gals were very nice and gave nice gifts like candles and Starbuck's gift cards. And SOME were kind of "dirty" in their gift giving which made for much needed laughter!

At the end of the evening, we all walked away not feeling so glum. We definitely missed some of the girls that were unable to come, but look forward to seeing them at future get togethers. Friendship and companionship are wonderful bonds created in this atmosphere. It's because of our spouses that we are brought together, and that is priceless given the time that we must spend apart from our loved ones. We will all eventually part ways, and some of us may not speak again, but some of us will remain life long friends no matter where we end up in the future.


They will be true friends who even though they are in Colorado, and you are in Washington, they will stay up with you until one in the morning playing "Words With Friends" over the phone because they know that you can't sleep. Or they will be the friend that will stay by your side for fifteen hours of labor even after you've barked at them, "why are your hands so damn hot?" while they are rubbing your aching back in place of your husband who is half way across the world! They will be the ones that stick it out with you through the deployments and field problems throughout yours and their spouse's careers, and when you look back, you cannot imagine your life without them.If ever there was a gift that comes out of being married to the Army, friendship is truly the one thing that I cherish. 

Insomnia...

I had the idea when we found out that Dave was going to deploy that I would create my own version of a "Project 365" blog in correspondence to him being gone. It seemed easy enough; he would be gone for a year, I should be able to write about our days while he is gone. What I never anticipated was that I would not be able to bring myself to actually write about him leaving us. God knows that I have tried, and try as I might, I have not been able to put those feelings to paper--or in this case keyboard. I have only been able to talk about my feelings in regards to his departure to a very small circle, and writing about it I guess made the situation too real for me, and honestly it makes me feel too fragile. I say fragile, because I don't like the word weak. I don't identify myself with that word, and I've always prided myself on the fact that Dave said that he couldn't have married a more perfect wife for his line of work. On the other hand, he has also referred to me on occasion as "the ice queen" as I have been known to be somewhat cold and distant. Given his opinions, somehow, the word weak doesn't seem to fit.

Today marks exactly a month since he left, and I guess by now everything concerned with David being gone should feel REAL. I guess that is where my disconnect is. I have spent so much time in this last month avoiding the idea that he has left that I have made this so much harder on myself than it needed to be.

          This is the moon the night Dave left 28 Nov 2011


I returned home the night that I dropped him off to a quiet house, and I stifled the tears that I probably should have cried. Instead, I sat at my computer with the intent of blogging my heart out about my feelings, and all I could do was look at Facebook, upload a few photos, and update my status. I gave myself twelve hours to pull myself together, and put on a strong face, and be the role model that I should be. However, by doing this, I now realize that I was just delaying the inevitable, proverbial ripping off of the bandaid. 

Things were going very well for the first two weeks that he was gone. The household was running smoothly, the kids were in bed on time, the dishes were done after dinner, and I was going to bed by ten o'clock every night. About two and a half weeks in, I began having problems going to sleep. First, I would lie in bed and my mind would begin to race, and then it progressed to a point where I would be so tired,and as soon as I would walk into my empty bedroom my heart would begin to pound, and I wouldn't be able breath. Bedtime had become an event that I dreaded.By my own doing, I developed Separation Anxiety over my husband not being here. Say what??? Gosh that sounds so silly--and dare I say weak?

However, as silly as it sounds this anxiety is what is allowing me to be up writing this blog at three-thirty in the morning when I should be in bed sleeping. But, sleep eludes me...thank goodness the kids are still on winter break!

So, it is in the spirit of the New Year, and new beginnings, and my desire to move past this anxiety and be able to sleep, that I am ripping off this bandaid. I have finally allowed myself to cry tonight over this blog..partially because I feel like such a schmuck because I have always subscribed to the idea that crying is not going to change the situation, but mostly because this is the first time that I have allowed myself to truly FEEL this deployment--the emptiness of David's absence as well as the joy of anticipation that he will be back again.

This coming year holds so many milestones for everyone in our family and accomplishments to be made and be proud of. With the joy of those milestones will also be the empty pain in our hearts of knowing that we can't share those accomplishments together. However, I think I may have made one of my biggest accomplishments this morning with this blog. I allowed myself to feel emotion which is something that I haven't really done in years. I've rediscovered that it's okay to be emotionally attached and vulnerable to someone. I also discovered that it's okay to cry, because even though it may not change the situation, sometimes it just feels pretty damn good to take inventory of one's emotions and get them out.

Mr. Hankey...

Mr. Hankey Exists...

I know this because I found him in my main floor bathroom.

The kids and I settled down to watch “Dolphin Tale” this evening after our wonderful Christmas Day and dinner. The boys begrudgingly joined in after I made them put their new toys on their chargers. Ten minutes into the movie (that is based on a true story), the plot revealed that the older cousin was in the Army going off to war, and he gave his younger cousin a special gift while telling him that, “Family is forever, and don’t worry, I’ll be home soon” I began to second guess my decision to make them watch the movie. I’m thinking GREAT, he’s going to get shwacked, and this is the last thing the boys need to see right now with Dave being in Afghanistan. What was I thinking??? How could I have made such a faux pas? So, in an attempt to do pre-damage control, I told the boys that they could go back to their games, and of course they had been sucked into the movie by that point, and didn’t want to stop watching, with the exception of a trip to the bathroom by Hunter. 

Fortunately, we made it through the movie without any casualties. *I apologize for the spoiler for any who have yet to see the film. “Dolphin Tale” was a tear jerker for sure, but I still highly recommend this flick for an evening of family viewing. 

Once the movie had concluded, the kids returned to their normal lives; the boys went back to their video games, and the girls went into their room to check email, listen to iPod, etc. It was very heartwarming for me to see Jayson helping Hunter get through a particularly difficult section of his video game. I was content. 

It was when Alina went into the bathroom to take her shower and promptly came out and grabbed Alyssa saying, “You need to come see this,” and then Alyssa in turn came and got me and said, “Mom, you need to come see this,” that my evening took a bad turn, and we discovered that we indeed had had a visit from Mr. Hankey. 

Anyone who has watched the Christmas episode of “South Park” is familiar with Mr. Hankey. He even has his own song, “I’m Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo, Seasons Greetings to all of you...” and a trade marked phrase, "Howdy-Ho!" Well, I found him in the girl’s bathroom. For when I walked into the bathroom, upon first sight, everything looked fine, until I turned my attention to the waste basket. There at the top, was a pile of poo, and on the floor beneath was a small puddle of water. Who had done this? WHO DOES THIS kind of thing??  My 6 year old son, Hunter that’s who.

First thing I asked during his impromptu interrogation was indeed, “WHY DID YOU DO THIS??” Hunter, “Because I was afraid to flush the toilet because I thought that (now tears are falling) the toilet would clog.” (insert rubbing eyes as a futile attempt to stop crying.) As I see his hands balled up, rubbing his crying eyes, the thought of HOW the poo ended up in the waste basket dawned on me, because I noticed dark brown crap (literally crap) embedded under his nails. “OH.My.Gosh, Hunter, did you pick that out of the toilet with your hands?” Hunter, “Yes (still crying).” “Did you wash your hands?” “NOOOO (sobbing).” As I quickly went to remove his poo laden hands from his face, I realize that his pajama sleeves were damp with poo water.

I lost my mind as it was racing with images of Hunter rubbing his eyes with poo laced fingers; on to him playing his 3DS and then handing it off to Jay who then also played the 3DS, so now Jay’s hands have been defiled by Hunter’s poo residue. It is at this point that I snapped, and was now screaming, “GO WASH YOUR HANDS!” Now, let me preface Hunter washing his hands by telling you that Alyssa happened to break the drain in the sink earlier in the day by yanking up on the plunger too hard. Just hours prior, I had sacrificed a beautiful Calphalon steak knife by prying the drain cover out of the drain. I had placed the drain cover on the side of the sink so it would be readily available when the repairman came. 

So, Hunter was now washing his hands, and I left the bathroom to go get paper towels and Lysol to clean the disgusting Christmas gift that my adorable son had left for me. I came back to a sink filling with water as Hunter had replaced the drain stopper back into the drain, and the water was getting higher and higher. Now, having to sacrifice Calphalon steak knife number two to pry the stopper out, I made Hunter sit in the hall while I cleaned the bathroom.

So, 25 minutes later, the bathroom was finally cleaned up, the trash removed to the outside garbage can, the wastebasket liner replaced, and floor cleaned; sigh, I have now calmed down enough to take Hunter upstairs for a bath. 

I am happy to report that we made it not only through the movie, but also the rest of the evening with the only casualty being my sanity. Hunter ended the evening being grounded from his 3DS for the rest of the night (which he was going to bed anyway), as well as for the entire next day, and I ended the evening by wiping down his 3DS with Lysol wipes, and drinking a glass of wine. All in all, I can say that this Christmas will be unforgettable for me, and I’m sure for all of my kids as well. I can now say that with some degree of certainty that Mr. Hankey does exist, although I would prefer is he stayed in the toilet as he definitely did not spread any Christmas Cheer. Merry Christmas, and here’s hoping for a Happy New Year!