Military Spouse Appreciation Day...

At the risk of being verbally acosted by people that I know and love dearly, I am going to go out on a limb and say REALLY? SERIOUSLY, a day of appreciation for military spouses? Don't get me wrong, I love every one of my "sisters." I agree whole heartedly with my husband when he says that it takes a special brand of woman to be an Army spouse. The question that weighs heavily on my mind with a day like this is, since when did military spouses become a special brand of woman worthy of public appreciation?

Here's my take on the matter. When a couple gets married, they take vows to love, honor, cherish...stick it out for better for worse, and in sickness and health, good times and bad, richer and poorer--you get the idea. In my eyes, I happen to be lucky enough to have married a Soldier. A man who has a heart of gold, and an unwavering love and respect for his country. These values that my husband, and everyone one of his brothers in arms possess in and of themselves should not be considered special. The fact is that we all as Americans should hold these same values. Unfortunately, not everyone does, but in this country, everyone is free to feel the way they want. At any rate, before I get too far up on my soap box, I married a Soldier. What I do as his wife is not a job. What I do is not worthy of pitty from others (as I have received on occasion from various people), and in my eyes, is not worthy of public appreciation.

What I do as an Army spouse is the same thing that every other spouse SHOULD be doing; be a loving and supportive wife. I took my vows, as did everyone of my "sisters" and I took them with the same verosity, and moral respect that my husband and their husbands did.Why should that be something to be celebrated by a happy few? Shouldn't being a loving and supportive spouse be something to be celebrated by ALL, regardless of if you are part of a military family or not? Granted, in the Army,  our lives are more chaotic than others, and we deal with much more sadness and grief than most on the outside of our "family" will ever deal with in a lifetime. This is the life we have chosen. It is part of who we married. With all of the sadness and grief we bear witness to also comes much joy, loyalty, and respect for others, and more love and devotion than others will see in their lifetime as well.

While my husband may work terrible hours, and is gone more often than not, he supports me in our joint family venture 100%. He provides for us, and he does his part to ensure that our children for many future generations will have a safe home to grow up in. He is my biggest cheerleader with any endeavor I may embark upon. Not to mention that in addition to his support, I have a huge family of "sisters" who support me as well, and cheer me on when I need it most. We all appreciate each other on a daily basis whether it be thru a phone call to a far away friend, or asking your neighbor if she needs you to pick something up at the store while you're out, or pimping out your husband to hang Christmas lights on the house of your neighbor who's husband is deployed. I am in awe and humbled to be in the ranks of such wonderful, devoted, strong women. I personally do not feel that I need a holiday to celebrate the fact that I'm an Army spouse, or a day to appreciate me. For being a loving and supportive spouse is what I signed up for when I said "I do." I have chosen to not cut and run when things get rough. Maybe instead of having a day of appreciation, everyone should look upon the military spouse and her/his soldier/sailor/airman/marine, and see them as an example of what marriage and truely unconditional love should look like and follow suit. That would be the highest level of appreciation anyone could give. And it's appreciation well worth receiving.

As I said before, I'm sure I will be verbally acosted by those who don't agree. However, to my Army family, I LOVE YOU ALL, and I cannot imagine life without you guys in it!

Who knew...the stuff you did as a teenager will come back to haunt you?

The rule is no dating until the age of 16. My older sister had the rule, I had the rule, and now my daughter has the rule. I admitt, I tried bending the rule more than a few times; unsuccessfully at that, but I tried. I remember pleading my case with my mother as to why I should be allowed to "date" when I was in jr. high. I remember telling my mom that a certain boy wanted to "go out" with me. Her reply being, "Where are you going to go to?" It wasn't so much the idea of going out on an actual date, but more the idea of being boyfriend and girlfriend. I could never convince her of that. Then, when I was in high school, there would be boyfriends at school, and I did at least convince my parents to let me receive phone calls from boys at that point, but still no actual dating. For that, the iron clad rule was 16. Thus, if it was good for me, it must be good for my own daughter. Consider it a right of passage if you will.

So we begin, the saga of Alyssa trying to convince us that she should be allowed to "go out" with one of her older brother's friends. There are so many issues I have with this idea. First, my daughter, my baby girl has now officially been noticed by one of her older brother's friends. This boy has spent the night at my house many times forcing me to think, WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? Second, as much as I try to ignore the fact, she IS getting older, and more beautiful by the minute, and while I would love for this to be the last time, I realize much to my dismay that it's only the beginning. There will most indeed be more of Jayson's friends that take notice of my beautiful daughter. Third, what makes this particular case special, and thus causes me the most grief, is that Alyssa harbors mutual affections for said friend. Finally, my daughter resorted to using my own lines on me that I used on my mother so long ago, thus making me feel like some sort of ancient artifact.

It began yesterday morning with a conversation on the way to school. Alyssa: "Mom, you know T****? Well, you know that I said he was cute a few months ago, and I think he's really nice, and I just found out that he likes me!" Me: "OH...well, that's nice. How do you feel about him?" Alyssa: "Well, Jay told me that he said to him that he likes me, so Jay asked me if I liked him, and I said yes. So then, he asked me how much I like him, and I said, well, maybe 50%..but then I decided that I like him like 100% instead." Me: "Is your brother trying to play match maker? Because we've talked to him about that." Alyssa: "NO, it isn't like that. T**** came to him and told him that he liked me. Jayson already knew that I liked him, so he came to ask me what I thought." Our conversation ended at that, and I dropped her off at school nonetheless amazed at the fact that banter from a pubescent tween hasn't changed much since I was sitting in the passenger seat.

Fast forward to yesterday after school. Alyssa askes me if she could talk to me. For some odd reason, the thought of T**** had left my concious mind, and honestly, he was the last thing I thought she would approach me about. Yeah, no--I was wrong about that. Alyssa:" Hey Mom, you know what we were talking about this morning about T****? Well, I was wondering if since I like him, and he likes me, that since you said that I could have boyfriends at school, that maybe you would let us go out?" (What in the Hell was she thinking?) Me:"Go out? (and here it comes, the words my mom used on me which is extrememly disturbing to admitt that I'm using them on my own child)Where are you planning on going out to?" Alyssa: "NO, NO, we're not planning on going out anywhere, just being boyfriend and girlfriend." Me: "Alyssa, you do realize that T**** goes to a different school than you. So, if you are allowed to have a boyfriend at school, and T**** doesn't go to your school, how are you going to get past that?" Alyssa: "I was thinking that since he already comes over to hang out with Jay, that we could hang out together too, and maybe talk on the phone." (My God, this child has really lost her mind!) Me: "Alyssa, the rule is no dating until you are 16. First of all, Jayson is grounded for the next millenium (for something other than this), so T**** will not be coming over. Two, he is in jr. high, and goes to a different school, so you don't see him. Third, when have you ever been allowed to talk to boys on the phone?" I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready to have countless boys calling my daughter, and vice versa.

The conversation ended after a phone call to her Dad to get his input on the matter, which, SURPRISE, was the same as mine. No dating until 16, and most certainly no phone calls with the opposite sex. Jayson also got a talking to about what it means to watch out for his little sister, which doesn't include setting her up with his friends. In the end, I won this battle, but only after Alyssa questioned as to why she must wait until she turns 16 to date, and why it can't 15? Ironically, I asked my mother the same thing. (I wonder if I don't wish a child on her that acts just like her, if she would still end up with one?) As I said, I won this battle. Given that she is going to be 12 in July, I'd say that this war over dating shall rage for the next 4 years and 2 months. I can say with some degree of certainty that since my mother did wish a child on me that acts just like I did, I will not be going to work once she gets into high school. For, I will not be finding out that my daughter had a boyfriend that she hung out with while I was at work, hehehehe!