So...it's been a while. I've been off doing lots of things, (some that I thought were important, but realized later they weren't) and making excuses of why I am too busy to write a post. Yet, I would always find myself posting meaningless tidbits of my day to day life on Facebook. For Lent this year, I decided to challenge myself and give up that which I thought was so important that it would take up countless hours of my life, and was so important that the first thing I'd do when I would awake in the morning was check on my phone to see who was doing what, and where, and who. I began by deleting the app off of my phone. I knew if I had easy access, my plan would go down in flames on the first day. The first week was hard. I'd find myself having a lull in my day, and I'd scroll through my apps only to find Facebook was no longer there. By week two, it was much easier. I'm glad to say that I made it through.
In retrospect, I have found that there are a lot of unimportant things that keep us connected to Facebook. I don't need to post about my trip to the gym, or where I am, etc. I also don't need to hear about all of the negativity and drama that comes along with Facebook. I have to say that my life has been quite enjoyable without having to worry about whether or not I offended someone with a post I've made, or if someone has offended me. I did realize that I miss the old friends and family members that I live far away from of which Facebook is the easiest, and probably only way that we can keep in touch in this digital day and age. So, I am back on the Facebook with a more tempered outlook and use for it.
Now, on to Easter. The time of renewal which coincides with spring, another time of renewal. What can I say? I have recently gotten off track with myself. I started out last year embarking on a journey to wellness and health, as well as looking for ME. For a short period of time, I had found myself again, and had achieved my goal of physical health and wellness, only to morph into another unhealthy mental state. I was opening myself in one way, and closing off in another. I allowed my personal ideals and beliefs to be compromised by a someone who I thought truly cared.
In the end, I've come to realize in a very abrupt manner that it wasn't worth the time I was putting in. After an awakening of the magnitude in which I have experienced, there is no way to go back. I have been struggling for weeks. I suffered mental anguish, sleepless nights, and I was stressing out over why things had happened the way they did. Then, in this last week, and more so days, I awoke, like from a bad dream, and I am now at peace. I must credit David with that. He made me realize that I own the problem by constantly questioning why, or what happened. His brutal honesty allowed me to ascertain that the reason why I was so mentally broken wasn't because I had no closure, or didn't know why. It was because I had thrown aside so much of who I was to keep and maintain this friendship that I once again had lost ME.
I am once again back on the path to find me again, and this time, there is no room for anything that lacks true importance. Life is too short to live in a state of stress, sadness, and double standards. I will not look back, but only ahead. The next chapter of this year will be filled with positive thoughts, many changes, and challenges. I look forward to it all with my eyes closed (that sounds so funny doesn't it?), arms outstretched, and a serene smile on my face as if I were basking in the warmth of the sun, taking its energy and warmth all in, right before I jump into whatever may cross my path with a renewed sense of faith. Happy Easter, and here's to moving on in this season of new beginnings!
